You're Fired

Donald Trump saying, "You're Fired!"

Here is an example of an imaginary conversation that a “good SEO” may have with a “bad client”.  This post is not real and is meant to be humorous! although this [fake post] does address some real issues that we have encountered when dealing with clients.  If you have a bad experience with an SEO or if you are an SEO who has had clients similar to this one please feel free to share your stories in the comment box below.

About 3 months ago I hired an SEO for my company, John’s Quilting. Right now I am not even sure what in the world I was thinking when I wrote that check as I am so disappointed in the service I have received, or should I say what I haven’t received. I am not even sure where to start I am so upset. The SEO and I talked about my business site for an extended period of time and I was very clear about some things like what keywords to use, where I wanted my site to be in the search engine result pages and what the design of John’s Quilting should look like. I’m wondering if he is just deaf or chose to ignore what I asked him to do.

My Two Keywords

When I asked him about why he didn’t use the keywords I suggested (the two I know would help my page ranking) he muttered some nonsense about research. Who needs to do research? It’s just designing a web site for crying out loud. If he still needs to do research maybe he should go back to school!

I Want to Be Number 1 – Now!

Another thing that just really makes me mad is that I hired the guy to set up John’s Quilting so that it would rank in the number one slot of the search engine result pages. Is that too much to ask? It was about 3 months ago when we first spoke and I am only on the first page. I want to be in the top place, the number one slot! The SEO said something about it taking some time to actually get the results I wanted. Well, it’s been 3 months already, why my quilting website does not rank in the top spot is beyond me. I think I really need to ask for a refund and then hire a real SEO that can get my site where I want it by the weekend.

Site Design

My other big complaint with this lousy SEO is the site design. I gave him a couple of pictures of some of my best work – two of the most gorgeous quilts I have ever made. He said something about what kind of content I wanted on the site. I told him that my quilts could speak for themselves! What kind of an idiot does he think I am? I’m not a writer, I’m a quilter! He insisted that we put some words up on the page that describes my work ethic and expertise in quilting and I just think that is such a waste of good time. All he needs is the pictures I sent.

My Personal Information?

Are you kidding me? Another thing the lousy (and quite nosey) SEO asked for was my personal information. He said he wanted to put it on every page! I was like I don’t think so!  He must think I am a total moron that I would allow him to put my address and phone number up for the world to see. I told him very clearly that he could put my email address in one little corner of the site so that customers could contact me that way. I do not need all my personal information floating around to god knows where in cyber space.

I am just totally disgusted that he does not have my site set up just like I want it so that it ranks in the first spot. It is just about time to fire him and find an SEO who knows what he is doing.